Gone But Never Forgotten

8th August 1994. I remember it like it was yesterday. My aunt had been battling against lung cancer when we got the dreaded call… they were switching off the life support machine.

My aunt was the eldest of mum’s siblings, and I can say without doubt that I got the most love from her than from any of my other aunts or uncles, and that’s not to say I didn’t get a lot of love from the others.  My aunt was so sweet and funny, and so protective of her loved ones. I was always small as a child and clothes never quite fit me right, so my aunt would sew clothes for me whenever she got the opportunity. I remember one time she made me a kameez (Indian tunic) and asked me to try it on… it was too big, so she reluctantly gave it to my sister and made another one for me, with matching salwar (trousers). My sister’s kameez never had a salwar to go with it. I remember feeling so special.

Another thing about my aunt was that she used to wear the prettiest earrings. It’s probably because she was beautiful, everything looked good on her, but all I had to say was “they’re so nice” and she’d take them off and give them to me. It wasn’t long before my mum clocked on and told me not to say it anymore but my aunt told her off and said she shouldn’t stop me.

It’s been twenty-two years since my aunt passed away. It pains me that I’ve lived more years without her than with her. It breaks my heart that my children never got to meet her. My eyes fill with tears as I try so hard to hold on to all the memories of her. May she be granted a place in Jannat-ul Firdous (the highest level of paradise). Ameen.

I love you, Boro Khalamoni xx

Cuppatea UK 14 Day Teatox: First Impressions

As a child, the thought of drinking tea or coffee just didn’t appeal to me. I used to find them too strong and bitter in taste. Now as an adult, I still feel the same about coffee (dont judge me!) but I don’t think I could live without tea. Recently I have been feeling bloated and looking to live a more healthier lifestyle… so when Cuppatea reached out to me to review their 14 Day Teatox programme, I jumped at the chance.
Continue reading

A Different Kind Of Love

It was love at first sight
The moment I saw you
So perfect and small
I immediately knew
That I would love you forever
You were in mum’s arm
Couldn’t wait to bring you home
And shower you with love.

How the years have flown by
I stare in amazement
At the man you’ve become
Though I can’t hold back the tears
Tear of happiness
But also a hidden sadness
Wish that mum could see you now.

My love and prayers are always with you
I’ve loved you your whole life
And will continue to do so till the end of mine. Continue reading

What Do You See When You Look At Me?

What do you see
When you look at me?
Do you see the tears
I’ve been hiding for years?
The pain in my heart,
That’s shattered apart?
Or do you see my smile?
It hasn’t been real for a while
Although I can’t explain why
Without beginning to cry
But I don’t want your pity
Or for you to tell me I’m pretty
I just want time to go back
To before I lost track
When it all made sense
And things weren’t so tense
No worries, no stress
No sins to confess
Life was simple and free
Just you and me

Continue reading

When I Was Just A Little Girl…

As a child, I used to curl up next to my dad while he was watching television or reading the paper. I used to watch my mum get ready and admire her Elizabeth Arden makeup and her Chanel No.5 perfume. When my parents were eating, if there was something they knew I liked, they would save it for me, even though they liked it themselves. They always wanted the best for us, their children – they encouraged us to study, taught us right from wrong, made us independent and confident, and even though they were quite strict about us going out too much – it was all for our betterment. I used to have nightmares when I was younger, usually being chased by something or someone, and [in the dream] I would keep running until I got to my parent’s bedroom, where I would immediately feel safe and no longer scared.
Continue reading

Love Isn’t Always Perfect

“Love isn’t always perfect. It isn’t a fairytale or a storybook. And it doesn’t always come easy. Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on & never letting go. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, & impossible to live without. Love is work, but most of all, Love is realising that every hour, every minute, & every second was worth it because you did it together.

– Unknown

Love isn’t a fairytale. We grow up hearing, reading, and watching super-romantic love stories, which instill unrealistic expectations in our minds. One of my recent posts (click here to read), got me thinking about my own love story and how I got where I am today. Over the last ten to fifteen years, I have seen a lot and learnt a little, and I wanted to share some things with you.

1. Women Do NOT Need To Be Rescued

Continue reading